


Once Willow Now Me, Both Shed Tears

by Soulless_Fawn



Series: Slowly making Sleepy Bois Inc + Ranboo all Trans/non-binary/not cis icons [4]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft - Fandom
Genre: Adulthood, Awkward Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Bisexual Character, Blood, Coming Out, Cramps, Crying, FTM, Flashbacks, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Fun, Gen, Happy Ending, Happy TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Happy Wilbur Soot, High School, Hugs, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Men Crying, Music, Pie, Real Life, Sad and Happy, Song Lyrics, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Wilbur Soot-centric, ftm Wilbur Soot, meet up, nice Phil Watson, period, supportive Phil Watson, supportive friends, walking out at night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 19:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulless_Fawn/pseuds/Soulless_Fawn
Summary: Willow watched herself in the mirror. It was another one of those days where she stood and criticized herself. Like every teen girl did but more, differently. Instead of wanting a tiny waist or a bigger ass she wanted shorter hair and a deeper voice.Wilbur knew who he was. In the past he didn’t. But now he did. He was part of Sleepy Bois Inc! And so he set off for the meet up. No cameras, no vlogs. Just his internet family. And maybe some pie.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Tubbo & Tommyinnit, Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Slowly making Sleepy Bois Inc + Ranboo all Trans/non-binary/not cis icons [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198745
Comments: 7
Kudos: 206





	Once Willow Now Me, Both Shed Tears

Wilbur swung on the swings at his park. Just listening to the music in his headphones. He closed his eyes as a cool breeze came. After streaming was the perfect time to come out to the park no one actually visited. When the sky made beautiful colours of oranges, yellows and pinks. He would watch as the bright colours morphed into shades of purples and blue before going back home.

He wore his yellow wool sweater. His glasses resting on his nose. He was a grown man. But coming to the swings always made him feel young again. Like a school boy. His phone chimed with a notification. So he reached down pausing his music. Tapping away he could see it was from the sleepy bois group chat. He pressed on it as he read through the messages. They all talked about the meet up happening tomorrow.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t had a meet up before. They have for multiple times actually. But this time Techno was coming over. He was at a hotel as of right now. It felt unreal. Know the Technoblade as in his country just to meet up with them. It was like a dream. Wilbur just continued to read with a smile on his face. He typed a few messages back himself. Soon the air started to attack him. Telling him it was time to head back to his small house.

Away from the cool air and now dark blue and purple skies. Yellows, oranges and pinks now all faded. Like they haven’t been there to begin with. So he shut his phone off and put some music on. He got off the swing and started his short walk back to his house. He hummed some tunes to himself. Practicing and trying different tones for his next big song. His cheeks and nose became a soft red. Maybe he should have brought a scarf or something with him.

It didn’t matter now as he was already half way home. Music drowning out any noise from the outside world. His chest rose as he breathed in and out. But it didn’t bother him. Not like it used to. His chest was flat. It has been for three years. A smile went on his face as he thought about it. He soon came up to his house and took out his keys. Unlocking the door he stepped inside. The warm air welcoming him in. He locked the door behind himself as he kicked off his shoes.

After hanging his light jacket in the hallway closet he made his way to his room. It wasn’t messy, okay it was a little messy. But Wilbur didn’t have time to clean it. He definitely did but no one needed to know that. He plugged in his phone on his bedside table as he took his shirt off. Two thin scars lined just under his chest. He shrugged off his pants and threw them in his pile on the floor. He walked over to his closet and took out some pyjama pants.

After doing his bedtime routine and getting changed he collapsed onto his bed. It was dark. No one but himself there. He got under the covers and looked up at the ceiling. He was excited. He was going to meet his friends tomorrow. His family! Wilbur had a biological family. Everyone did. But they didn’t live close by. So he only saw them on holidays. Wilbur closed his eyes as sleep took over. Tomorrow was going to be fun. With him, Phil, Techno, Tommy and Tubbo. Him with the sleepy bois.

* * *

_ Willow watched herself in the mirror. It was another one of those days where she stood and criticized herself. Like every teen girl did but more, differently. Instead of wanting a tiny waist or a bigger ass she wanted shorter hair and a deeper voice. It was weird to want these things. And so she told no one. Keeping her desires to herself and herself alone. She wore her school uniform. A dark blue top with a white undershirt. Black tights and a black skirt. The only thing that felt right was the dirty old shoes her father gave her. They were light grey. _

_ Willow breathed in and out. Her hair was wavy and went just below her shoulders. She used to have it lower but she convinced her mom to let her hair be shorter. Saying ‘all girls have shorter hair nowadays mom!’ She was a bad liar but her mom still did it after months of begging and doing extra chores. It was just hair. Why did it mean so much to her? _

_ “Willow you're going to be late darling!”. That got her moving. She ran over to her bed and grabbed her backpack. Putting it on her back she was off downstairs. Her shoes tapping away at the ground. To soft, to feminine. She made it to the front door. “I’m going now!”. She called as she got her sweater from the front closet. “Willow, wait a sec!”. Her mom chuckled as she walked over with a hair band. Willow looked at it and smiled. “Thanks mum.”. She took the hair band and tied up her hair. _

_ It always got in her face. She needed to bug her mum when she got back to cut it shorter. With a wave goodbye Willow was making her way to school. It was warm out. It was a little windy. But it wasn’t a problem. She found herself at school right before the bell rings. She makes her way to her class just in time. Taking a seat at the front because she had a hard time seeing the board. School was in session but the only thing she could think about is how wrong she felt. It wasn’t physically, she was fine there. But something nagged at the back of her mind. She was wrong somehow. _

* * *

Wilbur woke up to his alarm clock. Groaning he sat up. Rubbing at his eyes to try and get sleep to leave him alone. He quickly shut it off and swung his legs off the side of the bed. Sun shined in through the curtains of his room. He let out a yawn as he stood up and stretched. He felt weird. Wrong. Looking around the room he spotted his phone at the bedside table. Picking it up he looked through his notifications. Nothing knew. Just tweets about the Dream smp. Some fan art and people doing normal Twitter things. Like getting a new person canceled.

He put his phone down and walked over to his dresser. Getting out today’s clothes he made his way to the bathroom. Best way to wake up is to freeze your ass awake. So that’s what he did. The cold water felt kinda nice today. He looked up at the ceiling. Not every part of him was perfect. So he didn’t spend much time washing. Plus today was the big meet up! Wilbur quickly got dried and dressed. Making sure to take his shot. They wouldn’t be meeting up for another couple hours but he still fussed over his hair.

Fussed over every bit of the outfit he wore. Then he brushed his teeth. After that he made his way back to his room. Grabbing his phone he opened up his messages. Seeing a good morning text from Tommy. He smiled. The kid always made sure to say good morning to him. On most days it was thanks to Tommy he got out of bed. He was grateful to have the teen in his life. His little brother.

Wilbur texted back a good morning. Waiting for Tommy to respond Wilbur’s mind started to wander. They were going to have a chill meet up. No vlogs and cameras. Techno needed it as much as everyone else did. Streaming got too much for the family of minecraft streamers sometimes. So today was needed. They would meet up at a cafe and head to Phil’s place after. It was going to be fun.

A chime from his phone brought him out of his thoughts. He looked down at the text. Tommy was excited and Wilbur could tell. Seeing how many typos the child made. He made sure to point it out and embarrass the fuck out of him. Soon Tommy had to go and they said their goodbyes. Promising to be there on time. Wilbur put his phone to the side and laid back in his bed. The ceiling was quite calming. He knew it well. It detracted his eyes from looking down. Down at the parts of him he wished to change.

But he was too afraid to. So he didn’t. It was fine though. He dealt with it. Many trans men never got bottom surgery. He was one of them. The time seemed to pass by quickly as it got closer to the meet up time. An hour before they were supposed to be there Wilbur got in his car. The drive wasn’t that long. Around half an hour. But he knew there would be traffic. So he left with an hour to go instead of thirty minutes. He put on the radio and bopped his head to the music.

Wilbur breathed in heavily as a small pain came into his side. He was at a red light. He looked down at his stomach. Nothing there. It quickly faded so Wilbur paid it no more time. The light turned green as he was off once more. Wilbur felt like he had predicted the future as it took longer than it should have been to get to the meeting spot. He parked his car outside a cafe and got out. Looking around he spotted a blur before he was almost knocked over. Getting his bearings he looked down to see Tubbo smiling up at him. “Tubbo!”. He greeted the younger. “Wilbur!”.

“You said you wouldn’t be late. Bitch!”. Tommy walked up to him as Phil just chuckled. Wilbur looked at the group. “I don’t see Techno. So at least I’m not last!”. He tried to argue. Tubbo shifted away from the hug. “Your right! Where’s Techno?”. The three boys looked to Phil. Like he knew the answer. Wilbur guessed he did as he walked closer to talk. “Traffic is worse from where Techno is coming from. Should be here soon though.”. He nodded. So it wasn’t just him having traffic fuck him over. “Can we go inside. I saw a milkshake on the menu!”.

Tubbo beamed as Tommy laughed. “What’s with you and milkshakes Big Man!?”. Tubbo just shrugged as the four slowly walked into the cafe. Well after Wilbur checked to make sure his car was locked like ten times. They found a booth easily enough and sat down. Tubbo swayed his legs as he checked out the milkshakes. Tommy helped find him one he would definitely like. The two got milkshakes while Phil and Wilbur got coffees.

Making sure to get a black one for Techno when he decides to show up. The four men chatted and laughed together. Tubbo drank his mango milkshake while Tommy had his strawberry one. The bell of the front caused Wilbur’s eyes to dart up. A smile made its way onto his face once more as he spotted Techno. “Pig man!”. He yelled making the rest of the group turn to face the front. Techno just huffed as he made his way over. Techno would have been tackled by Tubbo if it wasn’t for Tommy being in the way.

Phil and Wilbur shuffled over to make room for the guy. After sitting down the table got louder again. It was just who they were. Loud. Techno was drinking the black coffee Phil passed him as Wilbur listened to the ramblings of the two teens sitting in front of him. Soon they got up from the table and made their way to the parking lot. “Phil’s house time!”. Tubbo laughed out. “Ya let’s see where the Big Man Philza minecraft lives!”. Phil chuckled turning to the group.

“Alright alright. Tommy, Tubbo you're with me. Techno will go with Wilbur.”. The two just nodded as they jogged over to Phil’s car. “First one there wins!”. “Ya and last are losers!”. “We’re not going to race on the roads!”. Wilbur laughed as he unlocked his car. “Can’t wait to beat a bunch of sixteen year olds!”. This got Tommy and Tubbo scrambling to get their seatbelts on. Wilbur got into his seat as Techno got in the passenger seat. “Please don’t think I’m going to let you race Phil down the road.”. He giggled as he started his car. “Of course not! I’m not that reckless.”. Techno just grunted. Not believing the other man.

* * *

_ Willow sat under a tree. A notebook in hand as she wrote random sentences down. She chewed on her bottom lip. “Pass it over here!”. She looked up to see that some boys were playing soccer. She put her pencil down on her notebook and watched the boys. She couldn’t take her eyes off them. Their jawline, short hair, masculine body- “Willow!”. She was snapped out of her thoughts as a group of girls walked over to her. A smile on all their faces. _

_ “Watcha writing down now?”. One with long black hair spoke up. Looking over her shoulder. Willow’s face flashed light pink with the other being so close. So very close! “I-I song! Lyrics! I uh w-writing lyrics…”. The girls around her sat down and chuckled. “You sure? Cuz I swear I saw you looking over at the boys~”. The girls burst out laughing. Willow just sat there confused. “So which one you got the hots for?”. A red head started a conversation. _

_ The girls fell into a reithem of talking about the boys. Willow stayed silent most of the time. She wasn’t stupid. She knew her liking towards the boys weren’t sexual or romantic. It was different. Willow then felt someone lean on her. It was the red headed girl. They had no classes together so she didn’t know the others' names. “So Willow, right? What kind of song are you writing?”. Willow stuffed up at the question. She looked down at her page. _

_ The words weren’t put together. Just random emotions really.  _ **_Different._ ** _ The girl looked down at the page.  _ **_Not my body._ ** _ She didn’t look away.  _ **_Unwanted husk._ ** _ Willow closed the notebook. “I don’t know yet. Just thoughts right now”. She nodded. “Perfection takes time.”. The bell for the end of lunch rang out. The teens groaned as they started to get up. The red head got up and put out her hand. “Come on. Schools waiting for their musicians.”. _

_ Willow smiled as she took the other girl's hand. She helped her up to her feet. “Musicians?”. The other nodded as her friends left her to get inside. “I’m in the music club! The drummer actually. Call me Autumn.”. Willow nodded. “You already know my name. Not really in any clubs.”. Autumn nodded as the two started their walk back. “You should join mine. We don’t have a writer. I’ll be perfect!”. Willow smiled at the sentence. Perfect, she’ll make the club perfect. “Sure. When’s the next meeting?”. _

* * *

Wilbur pulled up to Phil’s house seeing his car already parked. He sighed. He wasn’t going to race Phil but it would have been nice to rub it in his face a little. The two adults got out of the car. Techno looked around. “Where are they-“. “Pie!”. Two voices rang out. It wasn’t a question as to who those voices belonged to. Wilbur and Techno looked at each other then headed inside. Of course Wilbur checked to make sure his car was locked around five times but only Techno really needed to know that.

Opening the door the two were met with two vibrating teens. “What’s happening here?”. Wilbur laughed out. Techno closed the door behind the two of them. “Phil and I decided to buy pies yesterday. The two found them.”. Kristin spoke up from the living room. “Ah I see.”. Wilbur walked over to the woman. Shaking her hand. “Them? How many you got.”. The sweet loving part of Wilbur started to act up. Oh how he loved pie. “Three kinds. You're not allergic to anything are you?”. Kristin looked between him and Techno.

“Nope.”. Techno popped the p in the word. “Same here.”. Wilbur backed away to kick his shoes off. “Tommy and Tubbo came running out with a plate filled with three slices of pie. After kicking his shoes off Wilbur walked over to the kitchen. The pies sat on the counter. “Aww how sweet. Letting the teens steal all your pie.”. Wilbur joked seeing Phil making a plate for himself. “Oh hush! They are like monsters when they see surgery foods.”. He just laughed as Phil handed him a plate of pie.

He took it and made his way back to Kristin. The couch now holds two teens as they devour the three slices of pie. He looked at his own. Cherry. He took his seat beside the two. Tommy turned to him with his mouth full. “Wilbur you should try the pecan one!”. The boy said. Wilbur just shook his head. “Not a fan of pecan.”. “What!”. Their heads all turned to Techno holding a plate of pecan pie. “How can you not like pecan!?”. They all start laughing. Techno’s monotone voice was not helping as he ranted on.

After around three hours of tv watching, video game playing and other fooling around Wilbur felt more weird. He bit his lip as a sharp pain hit him in the stomach once more that day. What was that? Wilbur looked around as Tommy and Techno were fighting each other in super smash bros. Tubbo cheered on Tommy and Phil was cheering on Techno. Wilbur turned to the right to face Kristin. He tapped her shoulder once before she turned around. “Ya Wilbur.”.

He pointed to the hallway. “Which way is the bathroom?”. She thought for a bit. The way already built into muscle memory. “Down the hall, take one left. The one to the right right after that is the bathroom.”. Wilbur nodded. “Thanks.”. He then got up and walked towards the hall. He made his way down to the bathroom and opened the door. He closed it behind him. Wilbur wanted to hunch over. Was he sick? Was the cherry pie not agreeing with him? He didn’t know.

He stood there for a moment. The pain soon went away. Wilbur sighed. Finally the pain was gone. Wilbur walked over to the mirror. Looking at his reflection. He didn’t know why. But he was already here so why not. Then he felt it. The all too forgotten feeling. It was almost sickening. He knew what it was. He fucking knew and it brought tears to his eyes. None of them fell of course. But they were there. He thought he was done with this part of himself. But like a twisted joke it came back. He felt the blood drip down in his pants.

* * *

_ Autumn smiled as she played the drums. Willow watched from her chair. Smiling back at her friend. It was just the two of them. There in their own world. Willow’s mind was racing. For she knew something others didn’t. She wasn’t a she but a he. He watched and after Autumn finished he clapped. “Another awesome solo!”. He stood up from his chair. “Well it will be better with the song you wrote.”. She commented back. Willow bit his lip. Taking a breath in then out. She was his friend. She would understand. _

_ “Autumn-“. _

_ “Willow-“. _

_ They both stopped. Looking at each other. In all their three years of being friends they had never been so quiet. Willow shifted from foot to foot. Autumn played with the hem of her shirt. They both decided the ceiling and the floors were nice to look at. Autumn breathed at a long and staggered sigh. “You go first!”. She pointed at him. Willow just put his hands up in defence. “No way! Something on your mind?”. She looked him over. Then chuckled. “How about we say it at the same time?”.  _

_ Willow looked at her. He nodded his head. “Okay! So on a count of three?”. She just nodded. They both took a few more breaths. If Willow was in his right mind he would have thought she was acting weird. But coming out will make you nervous. So he never picked up on it. “One.” She started off. “Two.”. She continued. “Three!”. She finished. _

_ “I’m transgender!”. _

_ “I’m in love with you!”. _

_ A long pause came afterwards. Words hung in the air un said. Autumn looked at him with wide eyes. Willow did the same. Willow watched as she looked him in the eyes. “Your trans?”. Another pause. A very uncomfortable one. Then Willow spoke up. “And you're in love with me?”. The two didn’t move from their spots. Just staring at the other. Autumn came out as lesbian and confused her love in one sentence. Willow practically uno revered that whole thing. _

_ The bell rang out for the end of school. But no one moved. Willow shifted in his spot. Tears welling up in his eyes. Autumn matched him as some tears slid down her cheek. “So you go by he/him?”. Willow looked to the floor like he had done moments before. “Y-yes.”. A chuckle rang out through the small music room. It made Willow flinch. “That’s a big turn off.”. The comment made Willow’s head snap up. “And you're a walking stereotype.”. They both took a second to process the words. Then both burst out laughing. _

_ Laughter was heard for almost ten minutes straight. Willow and Autumn then sat down on the floor. Back to back, leaning on each other. “Sorry for uh…”. “Being a dude? Don’t be sorry. So got a name? Or can I call you babe?”. Willow almost dubbed over. “B-babe!?”. Autumn sent him a sly smile. “Never said I was a lesbian, did I! Bisexual rights you know!”. Willow just looked at her. A warm feeling filled his chest. “Wilbur. That’s my name.”. Autumn nodded. “Alright Wilbur. What about my confession then?”. _

_ He just shrugged his shoulders. “You're like an annoying parrot.”. “A parrot!? You fucker!”. Autumn tackled him to the ground. Both in a pile of giggles. Wilbur looked over from the ground. Seeing himself in the mirror. Shoulder length hair, boobs and skirt present. He still had a ways to go to look like how he felt. But with Autumn by his side maybe he didn’t need to do it alone. _

* * *

Wilbur sat on the floor trying to dry his pants. Pain filled his chest. Emotional pain that he never wanted to go through again. Not like he had when he was younger. He bit his lip to try and not let out any sobs. How pathetic was this? Sitting on your friends bathroom floor with your boxers stuffed with toilet paper as you try to dry your pants after you washed blood off of them. He was so fucking pathetic! Why didn’t he realize what the pain was? Why didn’t he remember the all too familiar sensation!?

After drying his pants he threw the paper in the bathroom garbage. He slipped his pants back on but stayed on the floor. He gripped his abdomen and curled in on himself. This was supposed to be a fun day. Wilbur rested his head on his legs. He wanted to scream. To yell out at the universe for making him this way. But it wasn’t its fault. He should have seen the signs. He should have packed for this. Buts it’s been years...years without blood and having to curl up in the bathroom.

A knock on the door brought Wilbur out of his thoughts. No, please not right now. “Wilbur you okay in there? It’s been thirty minutes.”. It was Phil. Please not him. Wilbur didn’t respond. Only curling more in on himself. Had he been in here that long? A small sob slipped out. Phil seemed to have heard this as he knocked again. “I’m going to come in alright? Uh, make sure you're decent.”. After a couple of seconds the door slowly opened.

Phil’s head peaked in and landed on Wilbur’s crying form. Phil walked in and closed the door behind himself. Phil bent down next to him. “Did something happen? Wilbur it’s okay if you want me to leave but I’ll like to know if you're hurt.”. It was just a joke. Phil being a dad to Techno him and Tommy was all a joke. But Phil really did play the role right. Wilbur peaked out from his little ball. Tears streaming down his face. “I-I’m sorry.”. He breathed out. Why was he sorry? He didn’t really know.

“Sorry for what?”. Phil’s voice was soft, calm, fatherly. Wilbur wanted to lie. Say it was nothing. But could he really lie like that to Phil? In this situation? When he sure as hell will run out of toilet paper in an hour. “For making you worry.”. Wilbur took in a breath as another sharp pain made itself known. He bit his lip. Phil saw this. He always sees things like this doesn’t he. Being the father figure in the group and all. “Is your stomach hurting?”. Wilbur nodded slowly. Now or never, now or never, now or never-

“Period cramps. There a bitch.”. Wilbur kept himself in his little ball. Watching for Phil’s reaction. The other man seemed to be taken aback for a second before he realized what that meant. What that meant about there one and only Wilbur Soot. “Well from what I hear from Kristin they sure are.”. Phil stood up and walked over to their bathroom medicine cabinets. Wilbur watched with a little fear but also with curiosity. Phil got out a medicine packet. Turning to Wilbur with a smile he handed it over.

“These should help.”. Wilbur hesitantly took it. Phil then walked over to the bathrooms storage cabinets. Wilbur looked down at the medication. It was specifically for cramps. “Th-thanks.”. Wilbur wiped his tears off his face. Was this really happening? Was this real? “No problem mate. Do you have any sanitary products?”. Wilbur shook his head no. Phil just nodded as he got out a box of pads from the other cabinet. “I don’t know much about uh, this stuff. But Kristen uses these so I hope that’s good.”. Phil handed the box to him.

Wilbur took it. “Thanks, Phil.”. The other just smiled. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. It’s human decency. I’ll be outside the door if you need anything else okay?”. He nodded. Phil took that as a good enough answer and left the bathroom. Wilbur quickly took the medicine for the cramps and got himself cleaned up. After he was done he put the box and medicine back where Phil took them from. Walking out of the bathroom Wilbur was met with Phil. Just waiting patiently.

He closed the door behind himself. “Everything okay?”. He just nodded. Wilbur couldn’t meet Phil’s eyes. “Sorry-“. “Don’t say that Wilbur. You have nothing to say sorry about.”. He just nodded. “You know I accept you right?”. Wilbur looked up at Phil this time. Phil sent him back a big smile. “What kind of father would I be if I didn’t?”. That made Wilbur laugh. This felt so familiar. Laughing like this. With someone he cared for. Phil opened his arms and Wilbur didn’t waste a second before going in for the hug.

The hug was nice, warm, friendly. “Thank you Phil.”. Wilbur breathed out. “No problem mate.”. Phil said back. This isn’t how he wanted to come out to the man. But for fucks sake when did life ever go his way? He didn’t care. The hug was worth the tears he shed that day.

**Author's Note:**

> So how was it? I wanted to do something with flash backs so I decided to do this. Also supportive Phil! If I got something wrong call me out of it. Hope you guys like ready. Later!


End file.
